


Only Remember Me

by dokyun (kissthesea)



Category: C-Clown
Genre: Age Difference, M/M, Underage Drinking, Underage Sex, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-14
Updated: 2014-10-14
Packaged: 2018-02-21 04:18:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2454458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kissthesea/pseuds/dokyun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barom moves to Seoul because he can't forget only to find himself already forgotten.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only Remember Me

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Only Remember These](https://archiveofourown.org/works/997509) by [dreamplaza](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamplaza/pseuds/dreamplaza). 



> Written for kpop_ficmix @ lj.

For the first few weeks following Kang Jun's departure, Barom fools himself into thinking the hollow, cold feeling lingering in his chest will eventually fade. 

"What a wonderful experience for a student," his mother comments, "to get to study abroad so young! Two weeks went by so quickly, though." 

Barom grunts. Having the kid around had been fun, sure, and he misses the way Kang Jun had instinctively looked up to him, but all Barom needs is a little time and distraction and he'll be back to normal. He'll remember the good times- the trips, Kang Jun's endless chatter, his sunlit smile- and the events of Kang Jun's last day will disappear.

By the time he's waiting at the gate years later, a woman calling all passengers for flight 367 to Seoul to board, he's stopped pretending.

*

As always, things don't exactly go as planned.

He has a lot to be grateful for, Barom reminds himself again and again. Of all people who'd sent in videos, the crew had chosen his audition despite having to wait for him to settle things at home before moving, including waiting three months for Barom to graduate high school. Even his parents, who'd for years harbored hopes for medical school, were shockingly accepting of his decision. They would send him a monthly allowance from the money they'd saved for university to cover rent and other expenses, and any money Barom earned as part of the dance crew would be extra. He'd packed his bags and said his goodbyes in a state of numb disbelief.

A friend of the family who'd been helping Barom find an apartment meets him at a coffee shop in the airport. They chat politely for a few minutes before driving to the apartment complex. It's a small, unassuming building, the entrance tucked away in a small but clean side alley. The apartment is on the second floor, so it won't get too hot, the man says with a kind smile. The apartment consists of a large combination living-dining room with a small kitchen area in one corner, a bedroom which was more of a closet and a bathroom. He can't thank the man enough and they make plans to meet for dinner in a few weeks. Alone in his new apartment, Barom feels a tingling, dizzying sense of freedom. It's new, but he likes it.

The crew itself is also beyond all of Barom's expectations. He'd auditioned because he'd long admired their style and obvious dedication to their dancing, but it's an entirely different experience to witness that dedication in person. The older members give him a rigorous introduction to the drew's practice schedule, which includes numerous unofficial meetings which tend to be planned with little notice and are always mandatory. Barom senses that they're trying to scare him, and to some extent it works, but the exhaustion he feels as he collapses into bed after that first practice session is utterly blissful.

Barom decides to give himself three weeks to enjoy his new life before handling the messier stuff, but fate apparently has other plans. Mere days later when he's stepping out of a convenience mart with a few of the guys from his crew, he spies a familiar figure walking right towards him. For a second that feels more like a century, Barom freezes, and then with none of the usual smoothness he prides himself on, he stumbles backwards into the store, almost smack into a woman carrying a baby. By the time he has thoroughly apologized to the point of offering to carrying her bags home, the figure is nowhere in sight. As he follows the woman's brisk pace, though, he swears he hears Kang Jun's laugh somewhere far behind him. 

At three in the morning he finally works up the courage to send the text he'd been agonizing over since returning home at seven. Immediately he regrets it; was he too harsh? _Don't do this out of pity._ He probably doesn't have the right to even say such things, considering he is the one who's ignored Kang Jun's text from so long ago. He wouldn't have blamed the kid if he chose to never respond; an eye for an eye, or something like that.

But, as Barom already knows, Kang Jun isn't that cruel. _I'm bringing a friend._ Barom's stomach tightens at the thought. Not that he has any specific thoughts for what he would do if he were alone with Kang Jun. He just doesn't like the idea that there will be a witness to his shame.

Barom also can't help but remember Kang Jun the last time Barom had seen him, hunched over his cell phone and texting madly even as the bus was pulling away to take the exchange students to the airport. 

He has no right to be jealous, he tells himself, hopelessly.

*

It turns out that Kang Jun's friend is about as glad to be present as Barom is having him there. His name is Hyunil, and Barom recognizes he could have a nice smile if he, well, could actually muster a smile around Barom. After a few minutes of polite attempts to draw Hyunil into conversation, Barom gives up and happily decides to focus on Kang Jun instead. The situation is painful levels of awkward, but Barom is indescribably happy to see Kang Jun again, smiling and sitting across from him. They chat about school and make pleasant general comments about Kang Jun's time in Australia. With a stranger around Barom finds it easier to push aside the harder memories in favor of the good ones. 

As congenial as they're being, though, the conversation is forced, their happiness flat and hollow. There's nothing more to their actions beyond politeness, and it leaves Barom aching as Kang Jun rises to go, Hyunil grabbing his arm to drag him away.

"I'm serious," Barom chokes out as they turn to go. "If you need help with English, give me a call." He covers his desperation with a kind smile, and though Kang Jun smiles politely back, Barom notes how Kang Jun's eyes cloud over for a second before letting Hyunil lead him away from the table.

*

Barom doesn't get his hopes up. He returns to his apartment dejected, limbs heavy with exhaustion after sitting through such a tense reunion. There's not much else he can do. At least he tried. Logical, encouraging thoughts such as these cross his mind and immediately vanish into the dark cloud of his despair. Barom collapses onto his bed and, his mind still reeling, falls asleep within seconds. 

At seven the next morning there's a text from Kang Jun asking when Barom would be available for their first English lesson. It takes Barom several pinches and a cold shower until he's willing to believe he's awake and the text is real.

Four hours later he manages a relatively sane-sounding reply. _Sunday is perfect_ , Kang Jun returns within seconds. Barom is so distracted that he almost forgets practice and his crew hyungs order him to run twenty laps around the building as punishment for being late. According to these same hyungs, Barom runs the entire time with a goofy, exceedingly creepy smile on his face.

*

They meet at the same cafe because it's quiet and they're both familiar with the location,. Barom arrives five minutes late both on purpose and by accident; he'd spent twenty minutes fretting over whether it'd be creepy to arrive early before concluding the negative only to be held up helping an elderly woman on the first floor carry in her groceries. Kang Jun is alone, and Barom breathes a sigh of relief. Another meeting with Kang Jun's friend hovering malevolently is more than he think he can handle with his nerves already shot to hell.

"Hey," is all the greeting he can manage as he rushes to their table. Kang Jun beams and Barom's heart does a disgusting little throb which leaves him stuttering to explain his lateness.

Kang Jun waves the excuses off with a tired laugh. "Don't worry about it, hyung. I've been studying while I waited." His eyebrows knot in frustration. "I swear I used to be the top of my class in English, and now I can't work out all the grammar without getting a headache."

Barom notes the dark circles under Kang Jun's eyes and the way his hand trembles as he reaches for his iced coffee. "Senior year, huh? Must be rough."

Though he may not have had to go through South Korea's hellish entrance exam system, Barom is somewhat familiar thanks to stories from his relatives. He doesn't envy Kang Jun or his classmates in the least, and he's silently grateful for having such relaxed, accepting parents. "It'll be over soon," Kang Jun replies like he's said it a thousand times, probably to himself.

"Well, we won't try to push it too hard, okay?" Barom offers his friend a kind smile. "I'm not the best at grammar and all that, but I'll help in any way I can."

At that, Kang Jun looks up from his book and gives Barom such an unabashedly happy smile that Barom feels a strange but familiar tightening in his chest, and suddenly he's remembering sitting in a cafe not too different from this one, looking at that same smile and wondering how anything in the world could be that warm and innocent. They're memories Barom doesn't need, especially not when he has to continue to look at Kang Jun for an hour. Barom shrugs and lowers his gaze to Kang Jun's textbook, pretending to look over the modules and decide what to practice.

All the while he is aware of Kang Jun's eyes on him, and only when he's sure his face has returned to normal does Barom look up again.

*

As the two of them walk home that evening they quickly figure out that Kang Jun actually lives in the building right across the street from Barom's, and while Kang Jun can't stop commenting on how amazing that is, Barom can't decide if fate is incredibly kind or terribly cruel. That night as he's trying to fall asleep he pictures Kang Jun just across the street in his own room, studying or reading a book or doing whatever Kang Jun does before bed, and Barom doesn't succeed in falling asleep until the very early morning.

So begins a new part of Barom's weekly routine. Their study sessions consist of seventy percent Barom being helpful and thirty percent Barom being completely distracted. Barom spends the days between sessions brushing up on the technical grammar terms only to completely blank when he's seated at the cafe. They settle for reviewing Kang Jun's classwork and the spending the rest of the time chatting in English. If Kang Jun forgets a word he needs or doesn't know how to phrase something, they lapse into Korean long enough for Barom to supply the needed words. In this way, Barom feels that he might actually be helping. A few weeks progress and Kang Jun gets much more comfortable with English, and he thanks Barom profusely at the end of every lesson.

"If I'd known that just talking like this could help, I would have made you use English in Australia," Barom comments one evening and nearly chokes because he had sworn he wouldn't bring it up. 

Kang Jun blinks in surprise before replying, somewhat hesitantly, "Back then I wouldn't have been able to talk at all." A tiny smile pulls at his lips and eases the tension in Barom's shoulders. "I was so glad you knew Korean, you have no idea."

After that the conversation moves back to more comfortable topics: Barom's dancing, Kang Jun's school, and any questions Kang Jun has about homework. Barom knows by not to ask about Hyunil; Kang Jun's friend is an unspoken forbidden topic and Barom is totally fine what that. He wonders sometimes if maybe Hyunil has something to do with Kang Jun's constantly tired eyes and the strained way he hunches over his coffee. There's so much about Kang Jun that Barom doesn't know and will probably never know. From their first reunion Barom recognizes a solid but invisible barrier between them; neither can seem to bring himself to touch on anything of substance, even if he wants to. 

That night they finish a little later than usual and their street is nearly deserted by the time they reach their respective buildings. Barom starts to say good night, but notices that Kang Jun does not move. He doesn't even seem to hear Barom, his eyes filled with apprehension as he stares up into the windows of his building.

Barom nudges his friend and Kang Jun starts, looking wildly at Barom as if he'd forgotten he was there. His eyes shine with tears and it's the look in those eyes, like Kang Jun is completely lost standing right in front of his house, that makes Barom speak up. "Look, man, if you ever want to talk about, I don't know, stuff other than English, I'm here, okay?" He laughs awkwardly and knows his words are forced, but at least it's something.

The lost look fades and Kang Jun ducks his eyes in embarrassment. "Thanks," he replies when he looks up. A smile that he can't quite manage makes the corners of his mouth twitch and he pulls Barom into a hug. Barom freezes, his hands hovering over Kang Jun's shoulders until he finally lets them rest there. He's aware of his hands moving in a robotic patting motion and Kang Jun breathes a deep, ragged breath against Barom's chest. This is where he should say something, he thinks, and takes a deep breath himself. The clean scent of Kang Jun's hair only makes Barom's heart pound; suddenly they're back in Australia, alone in a bathroom and Kang Jun is kissing him, kissing him like it's the last thing he'll ever do because tomorrow he'll be on a plane and Barom will be alone. Kang Jun puts everything he has into that kiss, but Barom gently pushes him away. He forces himself to do the logical thing because he thinks that Kang Jun deserves better and because, deep down, Barom doesn't know if he can handle being forgotten.

"Thank you," Kang Jun sniffs with a sheepish smile. Barom blinks and the bathroom's gone. Kang Jun rolls his shoulders as if to force away the sudden tension between them. "Exams are getting to me, I guess." He doesn't wait for Barom to respond, and with a small wave jogs off towards his building.

Barom stands there a moment longer before turning to cross the street. His head is throbbing and he isn't aware of his own movements; he stumbles over the curb and fumbles for his keys. He somehow reaches his apartment in one piece and goes straight to bed still in his street clothes.

For just a second, that barrier had come crumbling down. Barom can't shake the feeling that he's seen something he shouldn't have. Worst of all, there had been something eerily final about Kang Jun's hug and the stiff, casual way he'd gone home, like he'd spent every ounce of his energy in that one small gesture and had nothing else left to offer.

*

In a way, Barom's premonition turns out both wrong and right. They meet a for a few more sessions before Kang Jun decides that he needs to stay home and focus on studying there. Finals exams are close, and he needs to buckle down. As usual, he thanks Barom too many times as they part ways after their final session. Barom wishes him luck and reiterates, much more casually this time, that he's there if Kang Jun needs anything. Kang Jun waves off the offer and the two shake hands.

Barom never mentions the hug or Kang Jun's tears. He knows now that he lost his chance years ago.

*

Barom's Sundays are free again, but his life only gets busier. The school year ends and the crew departs for its annual one month break. The timing is, of course, intentional; the eldest members of the crew will be holding auditions targeted at recent graduates and, as the newest member, Barom will be responsible for taking care of at least one new member depending on how many his hyungs decide to pass. The other junior members complain that the new members will be chore and a distraction from practice, but Barom immediately throws himself into the work with such intensity that he blocks everything, even Kang Jun's constant presence across the street, out of his mind.

Though he's only been with the crew less than a year, Barom fills a notebook with rules for conduct with the hyungs and tips for adjusting to the rigorous practice schedule. At first he writes out everything that comes to mind, and then he realizes that no one besides himself will be able to make sense of his scattered thoughts and scribbles. He then sets himself to organizing the information into categories, and by the time auditions are over Barom has in his hands the crew's very first official handbook for juniors. He's so proud of his work that he doesn't even mind that some start referring to him as the secretary.

For the first time since coming to Korea, Barom's mind feels clear and free of distractions. One evening after practice he spots Kang Jun with Hyunil in tow, laughing and heading for Kang Jun's apartment. Barom smiles but refrains from saying hello. Only when he reaches his apartment does he recognize his own lack of reaction. He paces a few steps and then laughs out loud. He cracks open a beer and spends the rest of the evening watching dramas and laughing his ass off at the overacting.

Barom's period of peace lasts exactly a week. The following Monday the eldest hyungs introduce to the crew the newest members who passed the recent auditions. Only three this time, and only one recent high school graduate. This is the junior they assign to Barom's care.

His name is Jaejoon and, in a way, he's everything Barom needs.

*

The kid isn't the most talented of the new members, but Barom can see why the hyungs chose him. Jaejoon is surprisingly tall, with tan skin and soft features. He moves with the easy confidence of the inexperienced but can't hide a certain awkwardness, like he isn't quite used to the size or shape of his body yet. Everything he does screams youth, and unlike the older, more experienced and somewhat more talented new recruits, Jaejoon brings new energy to the group. His wide eyed stares, his happy laugh and even the way he struggles with the choreography just make the crew more and more fond of him. Within days he becomes the crew's favorite little brother.

Unfortunately, being the favorite little brother doesn't make him above the rules.

Barom's knee bounces as he glances at his watch for what must be the hundredth time that evening. The other are still practicing the new routine, only occasionally casting him annoyed glances. At least the annoyance isn't actually directed at him, but he knows he's partially responsible, too. Giving one of the senior members a brief glance, he leaves the practice room for the cooler air outside. His agitation doesn't lessen, but at least he can breathe a little better. When Jaejoon finally appears from around a corner, face flushed and out of breath, Barom almost feels bad for him. Almost.

"Where the hell have you been?" he snaps before the boy can come to a complete stop. 

Jaejoon freezes, his mouth falling open and his words coming out in a breathless stutter: "I, I'm sorry, hyung. I really, I really tried to get here earlier."

Whirling back towards the front door, Barom moves inside before he can say anything he'll really regret. Jaejoon follows after obediently, almost dropping his duffel bag in his haste. He pauses at the door to the practice room and gives Jaejoon a long, hard look. "The first and most important rule is that you have to show up to every practice, _every single practice_ , on time. Hell, I've seen the hyungs show up so sick they're practically dead, but they're always here and always on time." He takes a breath and tries to give Jaejoon a reassuring smile. "I'll talk to them today, but you've got to fix this. Understand?"

Jaejoon opens his mouth again as if to speak, but gradually lets it close as his eyes narrow in thought. There's something surprisingly cute about the expression which makes whatever anger Barom still feels vanish instantly. 

After a moment, Jaejoon sighs. "I understand, hyung. I'll do better, I promise."

The earnest way the boy says it and the way he bows his head make Barom feel mildly guilty. "Hey, don't worry about it." He pats the kid's shoulder and hopes he comes off as friendly. "They were asses to me at first, but they seem to really like you."

The look Jaejoon gives Barom is utterly doubtful, but his smile is grateful.

*

Barom never asks how, but Jaejoon solves the problem. The next day he arrives to practice not just on time, but early. The other guys tease him but the hyungs look pleased, and Barom treats the kid to dinner later that evening. After that, Jaejoon never arrives late again, and the grumbling and discontent among the crew members eventually fade.

After a few weeks, Barom's time as Jaejoon's official mentor ends as well. In theory, Barom is supposed to give Jaejoon more space, let him adjust and grow on his own from here on, but he finds it difficult, even impossible, to remove the boy from his routine. They arrive around the same time, chat until practice starts, joke in between routines and even eat together afterwards. It's not like Barom doesn't have other friends in the crew, and the same goes for Jaejoon, but Barom finds he enjoys hanging with the kid more than the others. If Jaejoon makes the crew more energetic, he makes Barom more alive. He looks forward to more than dancing every day, and when he gets home, he thinks about more than what's on TV or the boy who lives just across the street.

"You have a weird effect on people, you know that?" he muses after practice one night.

Jaejoon raises an eyebrow, an amused smile pulling at his lips. "I do?"

Barom clicks his tongue and nudges Jaejoon a little, handing over the water bottle when Jaejoon asks for it. "All these jerks with no social skills whatsoever and yet they're always like, 'Need a break, Jaejoonie?' or 'Want a snack, Jaejoonie?'" He makes a look of fake disgust. "How the hell do you do you make everyone so happy?"

Shaking his head in disbelief, Jaejoon shrugs. "Do I make you happy, hyung?"

Barom almost answers immediately because the answer is easy: _of course_. He stops himself, though, and shoots Jaejoon a suspicious look. "Shut the fuck up," he grumbles and gets to his feet. He can feel Jaejoon's smile on his back as he walks away.

*

Things aren't all rainbows and Jaejoon's perfect smiles, though. Despite his soaring hopes, Barom can't shake the gnawing feeling that there's something imbalanced about the way he interacts with Jaejoon. Barom finds it almost too easy to open up to the kid, telling him everything- well, almost everything, since he can never quite bring himself to mention Kang Jun to anyone- from his childhood in Australia to all of the embarrassing mistakes he made adjusting to culture in Seoul. Jaejoon listens attentively, poking fun now and then but always keenly sensitive to what memories Barom holds dear. Jaejoon seems to immediately understand Barom on a level that's unnerving.

Unfortunately Barom can't say he understands Jaejoon at all. It takes him weeks to even learn the kid's family name, and that he has to get from the crew's meager files. It's not that Jaejoon outright refuses to reveal anything about himself; whenever the conversation steers to close to focusing on Jaejoon, he expertly twists the topic to something else. Half the time Barom doesn't even realize it's happening. 

And even if Jaejoon's smiles and the way he always sits just a little too close to Barom when they grab dinner together have Barom convinced there's something more there, he can't help but wonder if it's all in his head. After all, if Jaejoon doesn't feel comfortable enough to even talk about his family with Barom, how could he possibly feel the way Barom so desperately hopes he feels?

Late at night when he can't sleep and there's nothing on TV, these are the thoughts Barom rolls around in his anxious mind. 

After their first successful street performance with the new members, the hyungs herd the already boisterous group into a bar and make the mistake of saying they'll treat. In less than an hour Barom has had way too much- hey, free is free and his apartment is only a couple of blocks away- and he finds himself leaning against Jaejoon, the only guy in the group not well on his way to drunk. The boy sits hunched over his cell phone, furiously texting away and infuriatingly oblivious to Barom's attempts to get his attention.

"Yah, Jaejoon," he grumbles again and again and nudges the boy's shoulder with his cheek. Only when he lets out a pathetic, " _Jaejoonie_ ," does Jaejoon look up from his phone, a surprised but amused smile on his face.

"Hyung, you're really drunk."

Barom waves an arm around the table. "In case you haven't noticed, most of us are." He gently jabs a finger into Jaejoon's chest. "Except you."

"I'm not much of a drinker," he replies with a shy shrug. Barom frowns in concentration but nods slowly. With one last look at his phone, Jaejoon sighs. "It's really late, hyung. I think I should go."

"Ah, class tomorrow?" Barom slurs with a dazed smile. "To be young and a student again! Not that I'd know what university is like."

Jaejoon shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "I really should go, hyung." Barom realizes that at this point he's half-slung over the poor boy and pulls away slightly.

"I'll walk you home!" he declares in his happiest drunk voice. The other crew members respond in kind and Barom finishes his glass. Jaejoon looks hesitant but Barom shoves him towards the door. "C'mon, let's go, let's go."

As they step outside, Barom takes a deep breath and sighs. The brisk air outside clears Barom's head just long enough for him to register Jaejoon's discomfort. It's enough to give Barom pause; after all, he's never walked Jaejoon home before. Hell, he doesn't even know where Jaejoon's home is. He somehow doubts Jaejoon's family would appreciate him bringing a drunk friend home in the early hours of the morning, either.

"Sorry," he grumbles. The alcohol muddles his thoughts and makes his tongue feel thick and awkward. "Your family must be worried, right? Want me to get you a cab?"

Jaejoon's eyebrows shoot up. "I live with a friend, hyung. My family lives in Daegu."

Barom falters in surprise and regards his friend in confusion. "Is that so?" he says vaguely. "So you just go to school in Seoul?" His heart flutters stupidly in his chest at the thought that finally he's learning something about the boy.

Either the dim street light is playing tricks or Jaejoon blushes. "Yes. I have a few friends who live in the city and they take turns letting me stay over." He gives an embarrassed laugh and checks his watch. "But all of them live on the other side of town and I hate waking them up like this." He grips the strap of his backpack and looks at his shoes.

As casually as he can manage, Barom replies, "You can stay with me tonight, if you want." Jaejoon actually jumps a little at the offer, giving Barom an unreadable but undoubtedly shocked look. "I mean, you know," he backtracks quickly, "since it's so late, and your friend's probably sleeping, and it's so far away and all." He rubs the back of his neck and forces a smile. "You don't have to, of course, but my apartment is around the corner. I have a couch."

For just a split second, Jaejoon's eyes narrow. Then a loud laugh bursts from him like he's been holding it back for hours. "Thanks, hyung. If you really don't mind, it'd probably be better if I stay with you."

Barom doesn't dare trust his mouth to respond, so he nods and gestures for Jaejoon to follow him. The streets seem to spin before his eyes, but he knows it's not from the alcohol this time.

*

Barom fumbles for his keys, but there's something warm pressing against his shoulder. He turns in time to watch Jaejoon trail two more kisses up his shoulder, leaving one third and final lingering kiss against the back of Barom's neck. Through the alcohol-induced fog in his mind, Barom barely manages to remember to hold on to his keys. He vaguely registers Jaejoon taking them from him and getting the door open. The world spins again and he's against the wall in the entrance to the apartment, Jaejoon tossing both of their bags to the side and watching Barom with half-lidded eyes.

"Hyung," the kid says, and then they're kissing, and Barom isn't sure who started it but he's absolutely sure he likes it. Jaejoon's hands are on his skin, snaking up inside Barom's shirt and Barom's hands find their way into Jaejoon's back pockets, grabbing his ass and pulling him closer. Jaejoon gasps and presses against him hungrily. The boys kisses are sloppy but his enthusiasm more than makes up for it.

Then Jaejoon is pulling at him, not pulling away but struggling to maneuver them further into the apartment. Barom grins into the kisses and does nothing to make Jaejoon's job easier. The next thing he knows he's falling, but the landing doesn't hurt. He reaches out and in mere seconds Jaejoon is against him again. Barom cranes his neck upwards to lick and suck on the boy's neck at the same time he reaches down to rub him through his jeans, shuddering when Jaejoon releases a loud moan.

The rest is perfect, delicious oblivion.

*

Light shines in through the blinds covering the small window in Barom's bedroom and he groans. _Too much_ , he chides himself. _Way too damn much._ The sides of his head throb and there's a concentrated, needle-sharp pain building behind both of his eyes. He makes a pathetic attempt to crack an eye open and his stomach turns. He mind registers what his body needs- medicine, water, a shower, all of which is sadly located beyond his room. He needs to move, but his body feels so heavy that it takes him triple the effort to roll onto his back. The strange weight shifts, and Barom realizes that his body isn't heavier. There's something lying half on top of him, weighing him down.

He swipes at the thing and his fingers touch skin. He freezes, carefully poking the thing until he recognizes the shape of an arm. It takes all of his hungover concentration to keep from leaping out of bed- mostly because that much movement would definitely make him puke- and he slowly forces his eyes open. It takes him all of two seconds to recognize the dark hair and tanned face resting against his arm. His stomach clenches and he takes a deep breath to try and collect his thoughts.

Jaejoon. Jaejoon asleep in his bed. 

Barom takes another furtive glance at the boy.

Jaejoon asleep in his bed wearing nothing but a very endearing pair of boxer briefs with puppies on them.

Before his mind can spin out of control, Barom takes another deep breath. Okay, it's obvious what this _looks_ like, but there could be other explanations. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to remember the night before, but the memories get muddled somewhere on the walk home. He remembers arriving at the apartment and having to hand Jaejoon the keys because his hands wouldn't cooperate. He remembers Jaejoon's smile as the front door swung open. Then the scene jumps, and Jaejoon's against him, way too close, and Barom can feel the boy's hands sliding up his t-shirt. Barom's eyes fly open and his heart thumps painfully as he forces the memory away.

Beside him, Jaejoon mumbles something in his sleep and shifts closer. Slowly his eyes blink open, and Barom hopes his smile is convincing.

"Please don't throw up on me, hyung," Jaejoon mumbles and smiles against Barom's arm. He rubs the sleep from his eyes and stretches; Barom can't keep himself from watching the way Jaejoon's body bends as he does so. Jaejoon catches him watching and, smile growing, he leans up to press a light kiss against Barom's mouth. A jolt from that tiny hint of contact tingles down Barom's spine. "Feel like shit?"

Barom almost ignores the question in favor of going in for another kiss, but his heart's pounding so hard he can feel it throbbing in his ears. "I'm okay," he lies, and his hoarse voice gives him away. He yelps as Jaejoon pinches his side and laughs despite the fact that the room still seems to be spinning, though he's not sure he can completely blame the hangover anymore. "What... happened last night?" he finally asks, feeling every bit the asshole he knows he is at the moment. Sure, waking up next to Jaejoon likes this is kind of a dream of his, but it'd be nice if he could at least _remember_ how it happened. 

Jaejoon's eyes widen in fake innocence, but his smile is nothing but amused. "You don't remember?" Grinning sheepishly, Barom throws an arm over his eyes and shakes his head. Before Barom can uncover his eyes, Jaejoon shifts until he's sprawled on top of Barom, resting his chin on his hands against Barom's chest. Swallowing hard, Barom wheezes a laugh and can't stop himself from running his eyes over all of that suddenly very available skin, his hands hovering awkwardly because he's not sure if he has the right to touch. "Should I remind you?" Jaejoon doesn't wait for Barom's sluggish brain to catch up before kissing him again, not the sleepy, light kiss from before but a surprisingly forceful, fumbling kiss that Barom feels deep in the pit of his stomach. He slides his tongue against the boy's lips and Jaejoon's mouth opens eagerly. It's the low, almost feral growl in Jaejoon's throat that makes Barom pull away before he does something that he might regret.

Well, apparently he's already done something he might regret, but he can only concentrate on so much at the moment.

When Barom ends the kiss, Jaejoon looks practically petulant. "Jaejoon, I swear I didn't want this to happen this way. I mean, I never planned for it to happen like this."

A smile creeps onto the wonderfully flush face so close to his. "So you had _different_ plans?"

Barom groans and wipes his hands over his face. "No! I just think it's important you know that I didn't mean-"

Jaejoon wrenches Barom's hands from his face, his expression comically serious. "Shut the fuck up, hyung." For emphasis, he pinches Barom's nipple. Barom yelps in surprise but finds he pushes into the touch, too. Jaejoon arches an eyebrow. "And please go brush your damn teeth." Before the boy can get away, Barom grabs him around the waist and flips them, attacking Jaejoon's sides until there are actual tears in his eyes. 

Eventually, they get out of bed.

*

Within a few days, Jaejoon's things are stacked neatly in the corner of Barom's living room by the couch. The boy doesn't own much, and he quietly carves out a space for himself. Barom would gladly give the boy more, but Jaejoon refuses to be demanding. At least, the only times he's demanding are the times when Barom is too willing and happy to comply. To the outside world, their routines don't change much: Jaejoon disappears early in the morning to go to university while Barom lounges around the apartment. The next time they see each other is at dance practice, and though they try their best to keep what's between them a secret, Barom notices the amused stares and knowing looks. He doesn't share them with Jaejoon, who of the two of them seems the most worried about other people knowing.

"You ashamed of me or something?" Barom jokes after practice.

Jaejoon frowns, as usual too serious when it comes to their secret. "Of course not. I'm just... not used to this kind of thing, you know?"

"Relax," Barom insists, ruffling the boy's hair. "You're stressing like I'm your first boyfriend or something." Always the hypocrite, Barom feels his own cheeks warm at his words.

"You _are_ my first," he grumbles and then reddens even more because of the deeper implications of his words. "Lay off, okay?"

But Barom pulls the kid closer, ignoring how Jaejoon struggles slightly as other pedestrians stop to stare at them. "Why the hell would I do that?" he asks with mock seriousness. "I'm never going to leave you alone, not even if you run away from me screaming."

Jaejoon rolls his eyes, but Barom feels him relax. "If you don't let go I seriously will scream."

"Fine, fine," he chuckles, but keeps a hand resting lightly on Jaejoon's hip the whole way home.

Sometimes Barom wonders if he should dislike how careful Jaejoon wants to be, but try as he might he can't bring himself to care. For once in his life, everything is actually going the way Barom wants it- hell, it's going a thousand times better than he'd ever dreamed. He marvels in the smallest details, like discovering Jaejoon's favorite flavor of chip or seeing his face glow with excitement when Barom agrees to waste a few hours at an internet cafe. Best of all, Barom never dreads going back to his apartment. He no long sees a reason to linger after practice or go out for drinks just for the company. Now he's one of the crew members changing as quickly as possible after practice, dragging Jaejoon along with him just so they can get home that much sooner. 

"Hyung," Jaejoon hiccups over his beer, the sound making him dissolve into giggles before he can finish his thought. Barom stretches across the couch, his own empty bottle danging in one hand over the side of the couch. Jaejoon leans against the front of the couch, his head resting against Barom's side when he leans back. It's rare that Jaejoon drinks, but Barom indulges him when the urge strikes. As he'd said, Jaejoon can't drink much, but it's fun to watch him laugh himself to sleep. "Hyung," he says again, and this time Barom finds him trying to crawl his way up onto the couch. Barom chuckles and helps drag Jaejoon up, where he happily settles against Barom's chest. His empty bottle falls to the floor and he lets out another giggle before moving his mouth to Barom's neck. "Hyung, do you like me?"

Barom leans his head back, enjoying the boy's messy kisses and seeing no reason to stop them. "Yes, dummy, I like you." He can feel Jaejoon's lips pull into a smile pressed against his skin. There's a sudden sting of pain as Jaejoon bites him and Barom hisses. He runs his free hand along Jaejoon's spine and sneaks his fingers beneath the elastic at the back of Jaejoon's sweatpants.

"I like you, too," Jaejoon replies and kisses Barom's cheek sweetly. Barom responds by gripping Jaejoon's hip beneath his pants and grinding up against him. The boy gasps and keens, rolling his hips for more.

Barom's bottle drops somewhere beside the couch so he can hold Jaejoon with both hands. Despite his tight grip, he keeps his hold as gentle as possible. "I know," he whispers and pulls Jaejoon in for another kiss.

*

On the way home from the grocery store, whistling to himself and practically bouncing down the sidewalk, Barom sees Kang Jun for the first time in over a year. His old friend doesn't notice him in return, and Barom almost shouts a greeting until he notices the drawn and haggard look on Kang Jun's face. Quickly drawing on what little knowledge he has, he assumes Kang Jun must be in university by now, and the fact that he hasn't seen his friend in so long means he's probably living somewhere away from home.

The stoically determined way Kang Jun turns and marches into his family's apartment building makes Barom ache to have a conversation with him again, but he knows that'd be wildly inappropriate. Whatever problems Kang Jun has, he has people to turn to for help. People far more fit for the job than Barom.

He can't help but feel guilty at how willing he is to turn towards his own building and push all thoughts of Kang Jun from his mind. When he shoves the front door open with his hip, Jaejoon is there with his smile and a kiss, and all traces of guilt vanish in an instant.

*

On the days they don't have practice, Jaejoon usually leaves early in the morning for classes and gets home late in the afternoon. By the time he arrives, Barom tries to have at least showered and obtained some kind of food for them. Neither can cook very well, and most of the time they get carry out from the street vendors outside their building.

Barom is flipping through the channels on the TV when there's a knock at the door. He glances at his watch and frowns- it's pretty early for Jaejoon to be getting home, and in any case the kid has his own key. Heaving a sigh, he rises to answer the door. When he finds a boy in a high school uniform waiting nervously outside, Barom frowns in confusion. "Can I help you?"

"I'm Jaejoon's friend," the boy replies quickly. "Are you Barom-sshi?"

"Yes," he answers with some hesitation. The boy visibly relaxes, reaching into his backpack and fumbling through his things. "Are you a friend of Jaejoon's?"

The boy nods and grins as he finally retrieves a folder from his bag. "I didn't see him after school today so I couldn't give him my notes from Monday." He politely hands the folder to Barom, who still can't quite make sense of the situation.

"His classes usually go later than this."

This time it's the boy who frowns, until understanding dawns in his eyes. "Ah, he must be staying after school to make up for all of those classes he's missed."

"He's missed classes?"

"Yeah, ever since he joined that dance crew he's been cutting class to make it to practice on time." He shrugs, clearly frustrating. "I tried telling him it wasn't a good idea, but it seems to make him happy. I thought it might be easier on him now that he's staying with a hyung from the crew, but he's still skipping." He fiddles awkwardly with a charm on his bag. Something in Barom's expression much be off, because the boy takes a few steps backwards. "I'm sure he'll figure it out, though. Make sure he gets that, okay?"

"Wait!" Barom calls after him before he can reach the stairs. "What school do you two go to again?"

The boy cocks his head, but calls back, "Heungduk High School, first year!" Before Barom can hold him up any longer, the boy disappears.

*

"You're _sixteen_?" Jaejoon nods and Barom lets out the breath he's been holding in a long, pained hiss. All he can think to respond is a too-loud, " _How_?"

Jaejoon licks his lips, his eyes narrowed in concentration as they stare firmly at the floor. On any other night, Barom would have found the expression adorable. "I auditioned and passed, just like everyone else."

"Except you lied to the hyungs."

"No, he insists, carefully choosing his words. "They never asked for my age when they interviewed me, and the application didn't ask for it, either."

"The auditions were for specifically for new graduates, Jaejoon."

"I didn't know-"

"The fucking signs and fliers said, ' _Hip Hop crew looking for new graduates_ ,' Jaejoon!" Barom shouts before he can stop himself. The boy flinches and Barom takes a deep breath, trying his best to keep his cool.

After a moment, Jaejoon continues, "Technically I had just graduated from middle school."

Growling, Barom moves to sink onto the couch beside Jaejoon. The boy doesn't move, perched on the edge with his shoulders hunched. "That's such a bullshit excuse," he groans, but Jaejoon knows as much already. Barom isn't even sure if he cares that Jaejoon's lied to the crew; he's just avoiding the bigger problem at hand. "You could have at least told _me_."

"What difference would that have made?" The anger in Jaejoon's voice is surprising, enough to render Barom speechless. "And when should I have told you, exactly? When you were teaching me about the crew, and I already couldn't get to practice on time? Or after I started liking you, when I thought it was crazy to think you'd ever like me back?" Tears shine in his eyes, but Jaejoon doesn't let them fall. "Everything was going so well; I didn't want to ruin it." He glances at Barom. "I didn't expect it to get this far."

Barom finds it impossible to meet Jaejoon's eyes. "Well, what the hell do you expect me to do now? Pretend nothing's changed?"

"What does anything have to change?" Jaejoon's voice wavers slightly.

The worst part is that Barom finds himself wanting the same thing- for everything to remain exactly how it is. But what would that mean? Allowing Jaejoon to continue skipping class? Continuing to lie on his behalf to the crew? Crawling into bed with him every night pretending the thought of Jaejoon's age doesn't make it stomach churn with guilt and anxiety? That last thought leaves Barom's mouth dry, and he buries his face in his hands. Imagining that things could possibly stay the same is nothing short of stupid. Irrational. Childish, even. With too much resentment he groans, "Because I've been fucking a _child_ , Jaejoon." The boy's back goes rigid and Barom wishes he could touch him. 

"You didn't seem to mind it before." Jaejoon gets to his feet without looking back at Barom. 

"Jaejoon, we need to talk about th-" he tries to say, but before he can finish his thought, Jaejoon is out the front door. 

Barom knows he should get up, go after the boy, but he remains rooted to the spot. Jaejoon had been right, after all; Barom is nothing but a hypocrite. It isn't Jaejoon's fault Barom never asked questions. Everything had just seemed so perfect, he hadn't wanted to potentially mess with that. Now he's back where he started, pushing away someone who actually cared about him.

With Jaejoon gone, the apartment seems cold and barren.

*

Jaejoon doesn't show up to practice the next day and Barom does his best not to let his foul mood show. He tells the hyungs that Jaejoon is sick- the fact that Jaejoon's been staying with Barom the past month is the crew's worst kept secret- and has gone to stay with his parents to get better. Of course, if Jaejoon decides to show up for the next practice the excuse will fall to pieces, but Barom can't bring himself to worry about that. Plus he highly doubts it'll happen.

As the days pass a cold, solid weight forms in the pit of Barom's stomach. Jaejoon's things sit untouched in the same corner of the living room. Barom finds that he suddenly has too much room in his bed to sleep properly. He finally works up the courage to send Jaejoon a text only to realize he's never bothered to get the kid's phone number.

Maybe this is for the best. Jaejoon has years- and years and years and years- ahead of him to heal and forget Barom, and Barom tells himself that at this point he should be used to disappointment. Clearly there'd been something wrong from the beginning, too many secrets, too many questions blissfully left unasked. If he'd wanted it to work, Jaejoon would have told the truth. If Barom had truly thought it could work, he would have seen the signs. Perhaps this is Barom's fate; an endless story of almost finding happiness, just to be left alone in the end. Kang Jun had never truly needed him, and perhaps Jaejoon hadn't, either. 

A week passes, and Barom thinks it might be time to give up.

*

Then, on a Sunday morning like any other, a knock at the door sends Barom flying to his feet. Once at the door, he freezes, his hand half-extended and reaching for the deadbolt. His stomach churns and he wishes his stupid cheap ass apartment could have at least come with a peep-hole, but he forces himself to swallow and slide the lock, pull the door slowly open.

The figure in the doorway is familiar, but his stomach sinks.

"Hey, Kang Jun," he mumbles and rubs the back of his neck. "You need something?" He attempts a friendly smile in hopes of hiding his disappointment.

Thankfully Kang Jun is too visibly distraught to notice. “Can you let me stay here for a while?” It's the raw desperation in his voice and the dark circles under his eyes that make Barom take a step backwards, ushering his friend inside. Kang Jun mutters his thanks but hovers awkwardly once inside.

Barom casts a nervous glance at the clock on the kitchen counter, then an even more nervous glance at Kang Jun. "I'm sorry, but I need to get to practice. Will you-?"

"I'll be fine," Kang Jun replies and gives Barom a hollow smile that only makes him feel worse.

The hyungs and other crew members don't bother masking their annoyance when Barom begs out of practice early. With Jaejoon on hiatus, everyone is nervous about their upcoming street performance. Barom would be too, if not for, well, everything else.

When he gets home, he finds Kang Jun crouched in the exact same spot he left him, crying. He pulls away when Barom tries to help him to his feet and Barom settles for getting the poor kid's- well, Kang Jun isn't technically a kid anymore, he reminds himself, but the habit is hard to break- hands away from his face and wiping away the tears as best he can. The intimacy of the action is awkward and Kang Jun just looks confused. "I need the bathroom," he says and pushes past Barom.

With an exasperated groan, Barom collapses onto the couch.

*

"Kang Jun-"

"Call me Jun." Eyes red but seemingly under control now, Kang Jun gives Barom an apologetic smile as they sit over their convenience store-bought dinners.

"Okay, Jun," he replies with a small laugh. "I don't know if I should ask, but did your parents kick you out?"

The boy swallows thoughtfully. "No, I left on my own."

"Will you go back to university?"

"I should, shouldn't I?" he laughs and Barom gives him his best reassuring smile. Whatever's bothering him, Kang Jun doesn't seem too ready to open up about it and Barom doesn't feel he's the right person to help him fix it, either. He shrugs and returns to his food, happy to let the subject drop, but a second later Kang Jun continues, his voice shaking slightly, "Last night I slept on the stairwell outside the apartment." Barom shoots him a surprised look, but Kang Jun is looking away, towards the front door, towards his parent's house. "I don’t know why I want to go back there, even now, when I was the one who left. I don’t feel guilty, because I left for a damn good reason." He turns back to his food and frowns. "University, too. I know I should go back and _want_ to go back, but there are things there too that I don't know if I can deal with. Do you get what I mean?"

Barom takes his time chewing, measuring his response. "Did I ever tell you why I moved to Seoul?"

"I don't think so." The vague response only worsens Kang Jun's frown, but Barom smiles.

“If it’s any consolation, I get what you mean,” he laughs humorlessly. "Home is where you go to find comfort, but sometimes things happen that change that, and there's nothing scarier than losing the feeling that you can always go home. You find other places that feel safe- an apartment, your school, even a person-" he pauses and swallows roughly. "Losing those things is just as scary. Despite what we tell ourselves as we leave them behind, we still look forward to the day we can come home."

He looks up to find Kang Jun watching him strangely. Barom clears his throat and stirs his dinner. “It’s all very illogical, isn’t it? What makes us feel safe is what ends up destroying us,” Barom finishes, and goes back to his food.

Kang Jun pushes his food around on his plate for a few silent moments. "Hyung, have you ever loved someone you knew you shouldn't?"

The chopsticks in Barom's fingers clatter onto his plate and he fumbles to pick them back up. "Why do you ask?" he demands a little more forcefully than he should.

He friend frowns, but continues in an insistent voice, "I mean, do you think it should matter what other people would think, as long as you're happy with that person?"

"Happiness is the most important thing," he admits slowly, "but-"

"Exactly! If the two people involved are happy and can accept things, should it matter what society thinks?"

 _Who the hell have you been talking to?_ Barom wants to ask, but Kang Jun gives a confident, smile and shakes his head, like he's talking more to himself than anyone else. Barom breathes a sigh of relief.

"Sorry, hyung. It's just something else that's been on my mind."

"No problem," he replies weakly and rises to dump the rest of his dinner in the trash. Suddenly his appetite is gone.

*

With someone else in the house, Barom finds that at least his loneliness is abated a little. Instead of wiling away the hours staring at the ceiling, he spends his evenings sharing awkward dinners with Kang Jun and attempting casual conversation. Neither of them dare mention anything more complicated than the lack of anything good to watch on TV. It's hardly normal or comforting, but it's something.

Meanwhile the crew is becoming less patient about Jaejoon's disappearance. Barom does his best to ease their frustration but he knows he's not doing a very good job. His excuses get weaker, his attempts to give Jaejoon more time less sincere. In the back of his mind is the quiet, venomous thought that maybe none of this meant anything to the kid in the first place. He'd auditioned on a whim, joined out of sheer surprise, and who knows why he'd decided to start anything with Barom. Maybe it was all apart of the fake adult life Jaejoon had been creating for himself. In the end, Jaejoon is just another confused teen, Barom reminds himself. 

And confused teens make lots of mistakes.

It's on one of these bleaker evenings that Barom returns home to the smell of, of all things, home cooking. He finds Kang Jun pacing around the kitchen, a pot of something on the stove and the coffee table transformed into a makeshift dining table. When he hears Barom enter, Kang Jun sprints into the entrance and forces a large spoon into Barom's hand. "Stir the pot for a while, okay? Dinner should be done by the time I'm out of the shower."

Before Barom can make a snide comment about how comfortable Kang Jun has gotten, his friend closes the bathroom door behind him. Tossing his bag onto the couch, Barom goes to stand over the pot. Whatever it is, it smells good. He pokes at it with the spoon and his stomach grumbles.

In the bathroom, the shower turns on just as there's a knock at the front door. Frowning at the pot, Barom decides it can be left alone for a minute or two.

When he opens the door, Jaejoon is there, hands shoved in his pockets and eyes glued to the floor. "Hey, hyung," he greets Barom's feet.

A strange feeling wells up inside Barom- shock mixed with a tingling, dizzying wave of happiness that's quickly drowned out by all of his anxieties. "Where the hell have you been?" he demands, making Jaejoon flush.

"With my friend."

"You could have at least told me," Barom growls. His reaction is too strong and Barom screams at himself to stop this. 

The muscles in Jaejoon's jaw flex and he finally meets Barom's eyes in a glare. "I just came to get my bag. I need-"

"Do I smell something burning?" a voice shouts from the bathroom. Barom jumps at the sound, and Jaejoon's eyes widen in surprise.

"Is there somebody-?" the boy stops, and the anger fades from his eyes, replaced by an unnaturally cool indifference. "Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I'll come back later."

Barom reaches to stop Jaejoon, but at the same time Kang Jun shouts again, "Hyung! Everything okay?"

"Yes!" he calls back, leaning far enough into the apartment so Kang Jun can hear him. When he looks back at the doorway, Jaejoon is gone. He steps outside to watch the boy disappear down the stairs at the end of the hall. "God damn it!" He starts to get his shoes, but at that moment Kang Jun steps out of the bathroom.

"Going somewhere, hyung?" he asks in clear confusion. Barom pauses with one shoe on, then stares absently at the ground.

"No," he replies and kicks the shoe back off. 

Kang Jun hums to himself as he wanders to the kitchen, cursing when he finds the food burned to the bottom of the pot.

*

A few days later, Barom wakes to find Kang Jun sitting on the edge of the couch waiting for him. "I think it's time for me to go."

Barom's eyebrows shoot up in surprise despite his yawn. "Okay, want to grab some breakfast or something before you go?" He sleepily makes his way to the kitchen and retrieves the milk from the fridge for a tentative sniff.

"No, I should go now," Kang Jun replies as he gets to his feet. He gives Barom a smile but can't quite meet his eyes. "I would have left earlier, but I thought I should wait for you to wake up."

Barom mumbles something incoherent but alarmed as Kang Jun moves swiftly to the front door. Barom follows after, not understanding in the least but unable to find any reason to stop him. “Thanks for your help, hyung,” Kang Jun tells him at the door. “I’ll see you around.”

“If you have any problems, you can come to me,” Barom says hesitantly as he holds the door open.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Kang Jun tries to smile for him.

"Take care, Jun."

The boy disappears down the hall and down the stairs, and Barom finds himself alone once again.

*

With Kang Jun gone, Barom has nothing left to distract him. He feels guilty, thinking of his friend as a distraction, but he knows that without Kang Jun's sudden intrusion he would have started wallowing in despair much sooner. The second the door closes, Barom loses his appetite. He doesn't even bother to put the milk back in the fridge before he wobbles back into his bedroom and flops onto his bed. There, he finally allows the entirety of his situation to hit him. Jaejoon is gone, probably forever. Kang Jun is gone, too, and even though Barom knew he'd just been convenient he'd appreciated having the company. Both had left suddenly, and so easily, too. Maybe Barom is just that kind of person; easily left, even more easily forgotten.

Three shower-less days later, Barom gets a text that either he gets his ass the practice or he'll be kicked out of the crew. _Jaejoon, too_ the completely unsubtle text reads, and Barom utters a pathetic groan as he rolls out of bed.

He stumbles over to the pile of Jaejoon's abandoned things. His fingers trace the zipper of the backpack, pulling it open slowly. He yanks out a balled up sweatshirt and an all too familiar scent makes Barom's throat seize up momentarily. Once his heart stops pounding, he fishes through the things inside until he finds what he needs.

* 

It takes him three weeks to work up the courage to find the place. In that time he attends practice regularly, and the crew eventually stops asking about Jaejoon. For once, Barom doesn't force himself to rush, but takes his time preparing for seeing Jaejoon again. Now that he knows where to find him, Barom needs to know what he intends to do about it.

Once he's showered, well fed and on a somewhat normal schedule, Barom finds it surprisingly easy to decide. But he knows better than to expect that Jaejoon will listen. In the end, there's no harm in trying. 

The cafe is a small, hole-in-the-wall place on the other side of town centered perfectly in between Jaejoon's high school and a nearby university, making it a popular spot for students of all ages. Barom tries approaching the place mid-afternoon, thinking that all of the university students will be in class, but finds it crammed with high school students. He comes back a few hours later to find it just as cramped thanks to the university crowd. He lingers across the street long enough to earn numerous suspicious glances before finally giving up and heading inside. The inside of the cafe is surprisingly spacious but the line to the counter is long, making it impossible to see the staff.

He's only in in line for a little over three minutes, but by the time he steps in front of the cash register he's sweating. When the barista turns around with a somewhat tired greeting, Barom freezes.

"Hyung!" Kang Jun exclaims with a sudden burst of a smile. "What are you doing here?"

"What the hell are _you_ doing here?" Barom retorts. As stressed as he is, Kang Jun's sudden appearance makes him feel woozy. Before the customers in line get annoyed, he orders a black coffee and moves to the side to wait for his order. "Since when do you have a job?"

Behind the counter, Kang Jun shrugs as he fixes Barom's drink. "A few days after I left your place. I needed something to keep me busy, you know?" Barom nods vaguely in response, but his eyes wander to the other baristas. Kang Jun follows his gaze and asks, clearly amused, "You're not here just to see me, are you?" He sounds almost disappointed, and Barom smiles sheepishly.

"I'm looking for a kid who I think hangs out around here," he explains after taking a quick sip of his coffee. The rush of caffeine does nothing to ease his nerves. "His name is Jaejoon, and he's, like, this tall?" He gives his best estimate with his free hand before realizing he has no clue what he's doing.

"Oh, Jaejoonie?" Kang Jun replies with obvious surprise. He wipes his hands on a dishcloth and yanks the door to the back of the shop open. "He's working in the back today. Jaejoonie, you have a visitor!"

Before Barom can process his friend's words, a familiar figures bounces through the door. As soon as he sees Barom, the smile on his face falls. Kang Jun observes the two of them in confusion. "How about you take your break early, Jaejoon?" he suggests gently. The boy nods hesitantly and Barom shoots Kang Jun a grateful smile.

*

"So Kang Jun was the person in your bathroom?"

Barom nods, his fingers drumming against the sides of his coffee. They sit at a table outside the cafe near a group of university students happily immersed in their own conversation. Jaejoon licks his lips as he absorbs the information.

"And he's... your friend?" The subtle anxiety in Jaejoon's voice makes Barom want to reach out and hug him, but he settles for another sip of his now cold coffee.

"Yes, but I hadn't heard from him in a long time. He's had some problems and needed a place to stay, so I let him crash on my _couch_." Jaejoon raises his eyebrows at the emphasis on Barom's last word, but Barom just shrugs. He didn't come here to dance around and ask indirect questions. "He's just my friend, Jaejoon. I didn't even know he worked here. I found a ton of old receipts in your backpack for this place, plus a paycheck. You really should deposit that or something, you know."

To his surprise, Jaejoon laughs. "Why do you think I came to your place? I've been borrowing so much from my friends they're about to kill me."

"Oh, and here I was thinking you'd come back to see me," Barom replies, meaning it to be a joke but startled by the bitterness in his voice. Jaejoon flinches and lowers his eyes.

"You kicked me out, hyung."

"No, I didn't. I was upset and said we needed to rethink things and you took off."

Jaejoon's jaw flexes; Barom is shocked at how calm he is at the moment, considering his earlier nerves. But he's had almost two months to think about things, and he knows what he wants. The question is what Jaejoon wants. "I thought you were going to break up with me," the kid admits in a voice barely above a whisper.

Barom chews on his straw a minute before replying. "That's exactly what I was going to do." Even with Jaejoon looking down, Barom can see his face crumple. "But that's probably not fair, right?"

" _Probably_?" Jaejoon sneers, and and he flinches when Barom chuckles.

"To be honest, I don't want to break up, either." He tries to keep his voice calm, but he falters and has to pause before continuing. Jaejoon sneaks a glance at him, and the hope in the boy's face makes his stomach clench. "But would it be okay if we slowed down a little bit? I know your age doesn't mean anything to you, but it makes a difference to me." He raises a hand when Jaejoon tries to interrupt. "All I'm asking is that we try things from the beginning, instead of you jumping straight into my bed."

Jaejoon's face colors, and he smiles as he asks, "So, like, we actually date and stuff?"

"Something like that," Barom says with a shrug. "I don't really know how to do this properly, but we can at least try."

"That doesn't sound too bad," Jaejoon agrees hesitantly. "Can I still stay with you?"

"For now, stay with your friends like you told your parents you would. You can still come over, but I think it's better if we wait a bit." Jaejoon looks anything but pleased with this, but he nods. "I want to be with you, Jaejoon." Again, Jaejoon blushes, but he seems a little happier. "And I know you're not going to like this, either, but you need to apologize to the hyungs and quit the crew." This time Jaejoon actually looks angry, but Barom continues before he can interrupt. "I don't care what the technicalities there are, you lied to them, and no one under eighteen is supposed to join. If they make an exception for you, that's different, but you have to stop skipping class for practice."

After a few seconds of pouting, Jaejoon sighs. "I don't have a choice, do I?"

Barom reaches across the table to take Jaejoon's hand. He rubs his thumb along Jaejoon's palm, marveling at how much he missed simply touching him. "About the crew stuff, no. We can work out the rest of it together."

To his surprise, Jaejoon rises from the table, pulling Barom up with him. There's a wicked look in his eyes and he laces their fingers together, dragging him towards the cafe. "Kang Jun hyung owes me, so how about I cut out early?" His smile turns suddenly shy when he adds, "Then maybe we can go on a date?"

Though he knows Kang Jun is going to be pissed, Barom laughs and nods. "Where do you want to go?"

The boy doesn't pause for a breath. "The internet cafe!"

"Sounds... romantic," Barom mutters, but Jaejoon's already disappeared inside to give Kang Jun his excuses.


End file.
